Sunday, March 25, 2012


My pastor---that's funny I say that, because I am not really affiliated with a church.  I have tons of mixed feelings about the church and attending church, etc. 
Well anyway, I've been going to church as of lately. Its nontraditional. The pastor is not like most pastors.  He is knowledgeable of the word and teaches God's teachings, but he just doesn't operate like most pastors at most churches.
So anyway, he said that the idea of going to therapy is to manage things and handle things---before everything spirals out of control.  I liked that. 
And I guess my point is to say that writing is my therapy.  Its calming and peaceful and therapeutic.  It feels good to get my thoughts off----like a weight is lifted.  And often times, when I can't get to the root of certain issues---writing helps me to sort through my problems and find that root. 

Writing is the most inexpensive therapy, money can't buy!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Should Gay people Be Allowed to Worship in the Church

This was the conversation topic today on the Russ Par Morning Show. I haven't really been listening to secular music stations much since Lent began.  But today I happened to scroll by the station and something drew me in.  One woman said that homosexuals dont think they are sinning when they practice a homosexual lifestyle.  I guess she did some sort of survey in order to come to this conclusion.  Anyway, I acknowledge that the Bible speaks on 'man laying with man' and I do acknowledge that my desire to be with women and my physical attraction to be with women and my love for a woman is a sin.  I also acknowledge that the bible says a lot of things about sin; no sin is greater than another, certain sins are abominations and if that sin is committed we will not inherit the kingdom of God, and that sins can be forgiven.  

How dare anyone other than God---which is basically everyone living and breathing and walking this earth today----think they have any right or any opinion as to who has the right to enter the church and learn the word of God?  How dare they? How hypocritical! How sacrilegious! Dont these people know that God is the only one who can judge the lives and sins and good deeds of His children?  Do these people feel that they are free of sin and therefore have a right to worship in 'the houses of the Lord'?  More of a right than homosexuals?

Because my sin is transparent and your fornicating and adulterating and lying and lusting and swearing and retaliating and begrudging and so so so many other sins-----are not as transparent----does that mean I should not be allowed to worship in church with heterosexual sinners? 

What a crock of shit! 

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Short and To the Point...

My blog entries are different.  My ex actually gave me feedback over a year ago to shorten my entries.  Then someone else told me the same thing recently.  So......I will keep my entries short and to the point.  As an English major---I can be wordy because we are taught to be descriptive and be colorful and leave no leaf unturned!!! I took a psychology class---'human sexuality' to be exact, and I learned the exact opposite. So, certain styles of writing work better in different settings. 

On to another topic:
So, I am teaching Biology and it talks about the skin and how receptor cells are responsible for feelings and sensations and such. 
When I read it---I was surprised at my thought process and how the words seemed so sensual.  The skin is a very amazing organ.  How we are more susceptible to feelings and sensations on certain parts of our bodies-----sensitive to heat, pressure, pain, etc.   

Bull$hit at Work

Can I just say that I have experienced my first bad day at work last Friday.  I mean---it was super stressful and I didnt have the best day.  I have had GREAT days at work since app. November 7.  And Friday---my day was shit.  I accepted a promotion and now I have my own classroom---which means more responsibilities and more hassles and more stresses.  I take my job very seriously and I want to be the BEST teacher I can possibly be.  I am hard on myself because I hold the kids to high standards and I can be a hard ass---the kids say I "be geekin'".  But thats okay....I'll continue to 'geek' if it means that my boys will think before they speak, put their chairs up each afternoon prior to leaving for the day, own responsibility for their actions, and learn something. My job isnt easy but I do love what I do.  I love my students and I care about them.  I want them to be better than what they are---so that they can grow up to be decent men.  I have girl students too---but the population of females in our school is so slim.  But I love them too and want them to be strong, respectable women.  I will continue to pray each day and pray for my students and even for my colleagues.  I am praying for better days to come and for the ability to handle every situation with grace. 

Where to Begin?

Good News!  I was speeding...doing 85mph in a 55mph zone.  I was pulled over by the State Trooper.  I was rushing to get some last minute gifts for my mother and sister who both share the same birthday.  Lucky me, right?  Well, the State Trooper asked me why I was speeding and where was I going in such a hurry.  I told him that I was trying to get to the store before it closed---to get the gifts for my mom and sister's birthday.  He came back from his car and let me off with a warning!!!!! Super blessed and SUPER excited.  I know I could have easily been fined $500 no less.  So can you imagine how happy I am to be able to keep my little bit of money for something else? Whew......

To add, shortly after I was pulled over I sent a card to the police precinct where the State Trooper worked to thank him for being so gracious, understanding, and kind.   
When people give you a break, show your gratitude.  

Friday, March 9, 2012

"The Kids are All Right"...what about the LESBIANS?

This is a sort of blog I've never done before.  I am reviewing a movie that I just recently saw.

Well honestly, I dont give a fuck about the title.  Sure, it has to do with the family dynamic and how the children are affected by being raised by lesbian moms.  I love the idea and the concept.  I love that I can watch a movie that I can relate to...or will one day relate to...or movies in general that deal with practicalities of being a lesbian. 

So I hope you've seen it.  I hate to spoil endings to movies.  But I am disgusted and disappointed and pissed.  First of all----both women seemed a little butch to me.  The less dominant woman of the two, she is portrayed as a plain Jane.  She doesn't wear much make-up or look as pretty as she does in other movies.  Which, I fine. But all lesbians arent butch.  All lesbians arent plain. A ton of lesbians are amazingly beautiful and feminine and girly.  Which I didnt see much of in this movie.

 (Side Note: I thought the black woman in this movie was very attractive.  She was cool, I actually liked her fro, and she was just really beautiful. Too skinny for my taste, but very nice to look at.)

So, if you haven't seen the movie, the less dominant of the two women gets with the guy.  What a fucking mess.  And I guess....realistically....that is a common occurrence in the 'lesbian world'.  So many feminine women say they are lesbian and they really aren't.  And if you are fucking men---then I feel that that excludes you from being a lesbian.  I have talked about this before and I firmly believe that many women claiming to be lesbians are NOT.  And I am very disgusted with women who claim to be lesbian and have sex and romantic relationships with men.

So, I guess the movie's title wants the audience to consider the children and how they are affected by the actions of their parents; their mothers used a sperm donor, they were raised by two moms, they were raised without a dad, and one of their mothers cheated with a man.

This is not common, or 'normal' to most.  But it is the reality for many children being raised by gay/lesbian parents. I am disappointed that I had a movie show me some of what it would be like to raise children in a lesbian family, but then its soiled by having the woman cheat with a man. I don't stand for cheating but it happens.  It happens a lot!  But I would have preferred this chick cheat with another woman and not a man. 

I think kids are resilient and they handle things the best way they know how.  I think if its all you know, to be raised and loved and adored by your two moms, I think a child will be proud and happy of their family.  I understand that outside forces may cause conflict and may have children question being raised by lesbian parents, but children being raised by straight parents have to contend with all of the same issues---only they will be with 1 man and 1 woman.