HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE WHO READS THIS BLOG ENTRY.
I am ready for 2012 because it just have to offer more blessings and prosperity and happiness than 2011.
This blog is a continuation of my last blog entry that was written in 2011. I want to first apologize for being long winded. I like to believe that I usually get right to the point.
However, I was saying so much about things that happened over a period of 8-9 months. And I had some back stories that I thought were pertinent. Sooooooooo.....let me get right to the point. I started a unique relationship on March 29, 2011. I met this girl and I guess....just maybe.....I came into the relationship with all the wrong intentions. I first just wanted a friend-----because that is the only potential I saw in she and I. I mean, she had/has some baggage that turned me off from being in a full, romantic relationship with her.
So anyway, I was back and forth with her. VERY INCONSISTENT. As you can probably tell from my blog entries. I say one thing----do another thing-----and then say something else. I was very inconsistent and played with this woman's feelings in a bad way. She was patient with me and sweet to me-----HOWEVER, her situation of being a mom and still having certain ties to her past relationship were and STILL are an issue for me.
I thought I could put certain feelings and preconceived notions aside, reprogram my mind, and just try something completely new and out of my element. I also told myself that I would not put my feelings into this relationship---whatever type of relationship we had. I prepared myself to just have fun and see what happens. I told myself that nothing could come of our relationship because I didnt want to take any further steps with this woman. I even said that I would probably end up hurting her in the end-----knowing that she did want more of a romantic relationship and I didnt want that.
Anyway, today-----January 1, 2012-----I am miserable. And for what? I wasn't even in a relationship with this girl. Well...not one with a title. But I got my feelings hurt so bad. I feel like I wasn't given the attention I wanted and needed. I feel like I always had to compete with someone or something. I feel like I wasn't a priority for her. I feel like....I don't know. But these past few days----since I bagged my stuff up from her apartment and moved out----have been filled with tears, and regret, and confusion, and sadness, and turmoil.
So THANK GOD for a new year. I am hoping to focus on ME this year and do whatever I can to make myself happy---outside of anyone else. I was blessed with a job that a love in 2011 and I blessed with reuniting with some of my oldest friends.
So......I am sort of excited to see what 2012 has in store for me. I haven't thought of a single New Year's Resolution, so maybe I'll get like 5 together before the night is over.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!! BE BLESSED, BE HAPPY, BE PROSPEROUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!