Sunday, January 1, 2012

HAPPY NEW YEAR: Relationships Pt 2


I am ready for 2012 because it just have to offer more blessings and prosperity and happiness than 2011. 
This blog is a continuation of my last blog entry that was written in 2011.  I want to first apologize for being long winded.  I like to believe that I usually get right to the point. 

However, I was saying so much about things that happened over a period of 8-9 months.  And I had some back stories that I thought were pertinent.  Sooooooooo.....let me get right to the point.  I started a unique relationship on March 29, 2011.  I met this girl and I guess....just maybe.....I came into the relationship with all the wrong intentions.  I first just wanted a friend-----because that is the only potential I saw in she and I.  I mean, she had/has some baggage that turned me off from being in a full, romantic relationship with her. 

So anyway, I was back and forth with her.  VERY INCONSISTENT.  As you can probably tell from my blog entries.  I say one thing----do another thing-----and then say something else.  I was very inconsistent and played with this woman's feelings in a bad way.  She was patient with me and sweet to me-----HOWEVER, her situation of being a mom and still having certain ties to her past relationship were and STILL are an issue for me. 

I thought I could put certain feelings and preconceived notions aside, reprogram my mind, and just try something completely new and out of my element.  I also told myself that I would not put my feelings into this relationship---whatever type of relationship we had.  I prepared myself to just have fun and see what happens.  I told myself that nothing could come of our relationship because I didnt want to take any further steps with this woman.  I even said that I would probably end up hurting her in the end-----knowing that she did want more of a romantic relationship and I didnt want that.

Anyway, today-----January 1, 2012-----I am miserable.  And for what?  I wasn't even in a relationship with this girl.  Well...not one with a title.  But I got my feelings hurt so bad.  I feel like I wasn't given the attention I wanted and needed.  I feel like I always had to compete with someone or something.  I feel like I wasn't a priority for her.  I feel like....I don't know.  But these past few days----since I bagged my stuff up from her apartment and moved out----have been filled with tears, and regret, and confusion, and sadness, and turmoil. 

So THANK GOD for a new year.  I am hoping to focus on ME this year and do whatever I can to make myself happy---outside of anyone else.  I was blessed with a job that a love in 2011 and I blessed with reuniting with some of my oldest friends. 

So......I am sort of excited to see what 2012 has in store for me.  I haven't thought of a single New Year's Resolution, so maybe I'll get like 5 together before the night is over. 


1 comment:

  1. Thanks for the birthday wishes! Have a great 2012!

    Sending love and hugs,