Sunday, June 12, 2011

Leave Your Toothbrush At Home!!!

So, I attended a meeting of Black-American Lesbians, last weekend.  This was my first time ever attending something like this.  The meeting was interesting and I learned some new things.  One thing that I learned was that lesbians have a stereotype of: MOVING TOO FAST.  The discussion went on to say that lesbians meet one day and the next day they are living together, raising a family, and sharing a joint bank account...lol.  I had never heard of this stereotype before this meeting.  I guess I was too wrapped up in myself to see and hear what was going on in the community as a whole.

And of course, none of this is to say that the stereotype of true.  I dont know what most women are doing now days, when they meet and get to know one another.  I can only speak for myself.  And as of right now....I met the young woman.  When we first started getting to know one another, I told myself that I am just looking to make new friends.  I mean, come on, I just ended a 6 year relationship.  I would be crazy to jump right into another one. 

So, I got to know some new people and met some beautiful women.  All the while, telling myself, this single life is 'where it's at'.  I mean, its nice to have options, to talk to more than one person, to be mentally stimulated by different women with different mind-sets and thought patterns.  I was excited about meeting new women and being free to do whatever I wanted.  I was looking for friendship and nothing more.

But then I met this woman.  Not only did I meet this woman, but I fell for her.  And the kicker is....she has a child.  I told myself---from as far back as I can remember----that I wouldn't deal with a woman with a child.  I mean, to me, its too much of a responsibility and commitment.  I wouldn't only be thinking about she and I, but I would have to consider this other little life as well.  And I kept that mindset because I didn't feel like I would ever be ready for that.  I am a selfish, spoiled woman. I want things my way or the highway. 


But back to the topic at hand.  So, I meet this woman--let's just say---on a Tuesday.  And by Friday, I was a frequent house guest.  I was seeing her almost daily.  I was talking to her constantly.  I mean, I guess I am part of this stereotype about lesbians.  I say all of this to say:

What is too fast?
How do you gauge love?
Who determines what is long or short enough?
If I wait for 365 days or more, does that guarantee me that my heart wont get broken?
What is this issue and idea with time?

The way I see all of this, is that, I am not in a hurry.  But also, tomorrow isnt promised.  So, while I may want to wait 2 months before I feel my lips on hers, what the fuck for?  Why torture myself and her?  If I want to kiss her, why shouldn't I?  Is it healthy to always have in the back of your mind that 'we cant be intimate because its only been 5 weeks'?  Or is it healthy to say that 'I can't say I love you'...even though I am about to explode....because it hasnt been long enough?

What the hell is long enough anyway?

And to offer the other perspective....I know it takes time to get to know a person.  I know that its unhealthy practices to be having sex with people you dont know.  I know it takes time to build trust.  

So, I guess my concern is, should I feel bad about this stereotype about lesbian women?  Should I feel bad that I fall into this stereotype?  Sometimes, I taunt myself.  Sometimes I think, "You just got out of a relationship.  What is the hurry?"  Sometimes I ask myself, "What have you gotten yourself into? You barely know this woman".  Sometimes I tell myself, "Girl, you are crazy!"  But the other 80% of the time, I am just enjoying the moments.  I enjoy getting to know this woman.  I enjoy loving her and her child.  I enjoy how much she loves me.  I enjoy that even though we havent know each other for that long, I am comfortable enough to show her the real me.  

I am to the point where, when it comes to love and loving someone and letting that someone love you back, I CAN'T worry about tomorrow or 2 years from now.  I feel like loving someone is healthy.  I think it makes you happy.  I think it helps you to live longer.  I think loving someone and letting them love you back----helps you to get through the hard parts of the day.  I dont see why it would be wrong to give your love to someone and have them love you in return. 
 So, I jumped out there.  I am taking a chance.  I am allowing myself to love this girl and I am committing to this girl, even though I dont know every detail about her.  It's kind of exciting that I don't.  Part of the fun is learning new things about her daily.  Part of the fun is seeing how we deal with conflict.  Part of what is so great is that we are both taking a chance.  

Plus, what is the worse that can happen?  We break up.  Okay....been there, done that.  And I am still alive and stronger than ever.  So, in the event that things don't work out (which I am not anticipating or planning), I will be okay.  So, I don't believe in putting limits and time constraints on how soon I can love and commit to a woman. 

**The words and thoughts on this blog are all my own, based on my thoughts and experiences.  The pictures do not belong to me, nor do I own any rights to any of the pictures on this blog**

2 comments:

  1. You have a one up on me, I haven't gone for the second helping so far :P
    Really admired some ladies, even secretly loved a few and actually confessed to one (unfortunately she ain't gay :( so, we are just friends!)

    So firstly, I congratulate you on your newest endeavour.
    Hope this one works out for you...
    Tchin Tchin!

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  2. That really sucks. The first girl I actually liked...when I was about 16...I wrote her a letter or something; professing my feelings for her; but she didnt go for me. I was pissed and upset and hurt. I got over it after that summer, and we remained friends for years.

    I hope things work out too.

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