Sunday, January 9, 2011

Need for Change in 2011

I am feeling salty for a couple of reasons.  I had a minor 'thing' with my girlfriend's mom--a woman who I love and admire and respect.  I just had a heart to heart with my bestfriend---our relationship has been strained and very different since the birth of her daughter (2 years ago).  I texted the ex-bestfriend because she texted me a comment that I wasn't too happy about.  So, I was sick as shit last week and I was unhappy about that.  I didn't want to start the New Year with a bad cold and feeling under the weather.  But hey, what the hell could I do about it.  I had to let the damn cold run its course and pray for it to be over a.s.a.p. 

So I am kind of dreading this week.  Last week was long, cold, and miserable.  I feel funny about my jobs...and yes, I have jobs. I am ALL about doing whatever I have to do to keep my head above water and my bills paid.  Last year was a tough ass year and I want this year to be better.  While it would be ideal to have 1 full-time job that pays me nice money, that isn't the case.  I am working 2 pt jobs Monday through Thur.  I work the 1 pt job on Friday, and then I teach on Saturdays.  I am young and this should be a breeze, but this shit is wearing me out.  I feel like my faith is constantly being tested and my trials are constant.

Anyway, all of this is teaching me that I have to CHANGE.  Period, point blank.  Meluniquie NEEDS to change herself if she wants her situation to change. 

Now, that last paragraph is very profound--for me, anyway. Can I just say as EASY as it was to type those 25 or so words, putting that into motion is seemingly impossible.  I am stuck in my own ways, stuck in my day-to-day patterns, stuck in my own shit.  Change is the hardest thing I will ever have to do.  And I guess if I want some good fortune and success in my 26th year on this earth, CHANGE IS IMMINENT. 

So, I guess I will have to map out a plausible and realistic plan for CHANGE.  I didn't even make any New Year's Resolutions for the past 2 years.  I just knew that I wasn't going to stick to anything.  So, now I have to make some New Life Resolutions and find a way to stick to them.  Y'all pray for me!!! Because I am going to need it. 

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Gay Stereotypes

I just got out of the shower, hoping that if I had the water hot enough, I could sweat out all of the cold germs and be free of my cold, upon exiting.  Anyway, no such luck.  Not to worry, this is not another blog about blogging. 

So, I just watched a video posted by Davey Wavey.  I love his videos--most of them, anyway.  Well, his most recent vlog is about gay stereotypes.  This one really hits close to home because...I don't think that I fit into most gay stereotypes.  So much so, that most people don't even know that I am gay. 

Now listen, this may be strange as hell to you, but it poses a great problem for me.  While I am an out lesbian, my mother and father both know I am gay, I live with my girlfriend, and my facebook page says Interested In: Women....aside from those things, my gayness is just not that apparent to people.  People see me and assume that I am straight.  Gay people see me and don't know that I am gay.  Straight people see me and think that I am 'one of them'.  I am not 'one of them'!!!  So, I think it's immature to walk around with a rainbow bracelet on...did that when I first came out (18 and 19 years old).  I considered putting a rainbow sticker on my car, but I have reservations.  I am an over-thinker and a sort of worry-er, and I worry that some homophobe would key my car.

At my present jobs, my last couple of jobs, and jobs before that, everyone thought I was straight.  My current employer tells me that there are cute guys at the gym.  I am thinking to myself, "I have a girlfriend and we've been together nearly 6 years and so those cute guys really mean nothing to me".  Am I supposed to correct her and tell her that I have a woman?  At my other job, my employer and sole co-worker asked me if I was married or had a boyfriend.  I am thinking, "Gay marriage isn't yet legal in MD and I have a girlfriend--not a boyfriend".  I am not in the closet but I don't know if I should correct these people in their assumptions.

What do you think?

Blogging in 2011

So, I have sooo many thoughts running through my head.  I think this is a good thing.  I took some NyQuil earlier today (about 5:30 or 6pm).  I don't think sleepiness is upon me just yet.  Anyway, writing is therapeutic, which is why I imagine so many people have blogs.  I guess everyone has their own reason for blogging---it's public and sometimes intimate and puts people in vulnerable positions.  Why the hell do we blog?

I guess for me, it's a step just outside of my comfort zone.  Many, many steps outside of my comfort zone. And me and my comfort zone are one.  I rarely step outside of it or push that envelope.  So, blogging forces me to be adventurous (in a way).  Although I have that long list of Blogs that I follow, I rarely read blogs.  Lately, the past 3 months I have been watching Video Blogs on YouTube.  I just got into the YouTube craze.  I may have said this before, but I used to be ANTI-YouTube.  People posting fights, crimes, and other horrible things! I used to think YouTube was some forum for non-sense, craziness, and all things fucked-up.  And to a high degree, you can still access all of those, before mentioned, things on YouTube.  But I also learned that YouTube is also a forum for other things as well. 

Let me put the spot-light on TSKayla on YouTube.  He is my new bestie, though he doesn't know it  I love the fact that he is gay! I also admire how he talks about personal things, things that aren't easy to share with close friends, let alone strangers.  I favorite-ed one of his videos about how religion fails to bring people closer together.  It's true!  I've experienced this on a number of occasions.   

Anyway, I was going to embed his video here, because I learned how to do it a little while ago, and his channel isn't there anymore.  I mean, it was just there a day or two ago. 

Happy New Year Bitches!!!

Happy New Year folks.  It's finally 2011!!! Last year was okay for me.  I learned so much, I grew so much, and fuck it if life didn't deal me a hell of a hand last year.  I mean, I was forced to deal with things and adjust to things, and just grow as a person.  I am still alive and breathing and so I must be stronger in this year of 2011.  Anyway, have you heard the saying "How you start the year is how your year will be"?  Well, lets hope not.  I started this New Year with a FUCKING cold.  I didn't get sick from Aug through Dec 28.  New Year's Eve I was at work blowing my nose and washing my hands like crazy.  My throat was sore and I was taking sore throat medicine to try to cut this thing off at the pass. 

Sad to say, I still have my cold and I am pissed off.  I don't want to be sick or sickly all damn year long.  I also started my New Year in a so-called 4 star (popular) hotel.  And since these bitches ain't paying me, I will not endorse them.  Not to mention, the hotel wasn't all that.  So, me and my baby brought in the New Year together, with our 1738 and our kiss and some other things I wont  So, it wasn't all bad.  I just hope that this cold is gone by the weekend.  I don't like this feelings, my nose is red and sore from all the wiping, I feel like the Lysol can will be empty very soon, and I haven't been getting sleep.  I can't breath through my nose or is the PITS!!!  I just want to be healthy again and mucous free...lmao!!!!

I want to be very ambitious and successful this year.  I also want to go to church this year.  I did a search of gay and gay-friendly churches in my area and I found a few that I would actually go to.  One of them being a church in DC that marries gay couples.  I probably won't go this Sunday, but next Sunday.  If I get my lazy ass out of bed, I will surely let you know how it went. 

Why am I, Melunique, looking for a church.  Well, I used to attend this awesome ass church--lol--and it was so awesome.  The church was small and community-based.  They focused on aids in the community and homelessness and schools without textbooks and just practical things.  The pastor did not preach on POLITICS, nor did he attempt to influence his congregation on which way to vote.  He preached on passages (in the bible) that were uplifting and had a good message.  I felt like I could really take on the week after I left service.  However, I allowed some bitchy ass, hypocritical ass, phony ass people to run me off.  This woman was talking to another woman about the choir director, who was obviously a gay man.  I was so disgusted and turned off that I didn't go back.  What a crock---I know.  In hind sight, I would have done things a LOT differently.  If I encountered that same issue today, I would say something.  Anyway, the pastor left and now has a new congregation in Ohio. 

But church was uplifting for me and being around people to fellowship and do nice things in the community was fun for me.  So, if I can get that back, I will do that this year.  I am taking baby steps.

What are some of your New Year's Resolutions?  I also want to read a book or two this year, as I didn't read a single one last year.  Can anyone suggest any gay/lesbian authors---or books with gay/lesbian themes or characters?  I could start there.